What Brought Me Here


I was born into the church. Baptized at an early age because I wanted to be popular. When I started having out of body experiences, people would shake their fingers my way. I was convinced I was evil for having these experiences. One pastor said I wasn't right with God. Everyone else started sitting a little further away on Sunday, and I was shamed with eyes. I saw a punk rocker with a lot of piercings get treated the same way. He had nobody. Very few would sit in the same pew as him. If I knew then what I know a lifetime later, I would go back and be his friend. I was convinced he was only seen for his body modifications. There was a lot of division between the rich and poor.

As I grew up, my parents and I bounced around other churches. When I started driving, I was spending more time at punk shows instead of church. I've always felt more amongst my people at punk and metal shows than church. I was exposed to a lot of music, and some of the darker stuff really drew me in. I was caught in duality. Somewhere between church and liberation. Bands that captivated me more than the rest were the ones that put me in a trance. 

At about 20 years old, I started flipping through spell books at a friend's house. I borrowed one of the books and made a fragrance with apples and cinnamon. The aroma was hypnotic. Shortly after this, I bought the Necronomicon Tarot. Never really got into it and eventually burned it in the backyard grill. 

In 2019, I had a vision which you can read about here https://shadowwitchconfessional.blogspot.com/2025/10/the-human-test-facility2019.html 

I had an out of body experience that seemed far too real. A week later my dream was on tv. I began telling people that a global catastrophe was on the way. 

Once I started exploring the occult, shit got weird. And even weirder when I wasn't taking my meds. I was in a full-blown schizophrenic episode for weeks on end, and I was having a conversation over the phone where my thoughts were invaded. I ended up having to burn nearly an entire bundle of sage, and a stick of Palo Santo. When I was done, I felt a spirit leave my body. It wasn't my spirit. It felt like a test of my spiritual defenses. 

Right before I left California, I was praying to find a coven in Arizona. When I got to Arizona, it wasn't long before I found a temple of a faith that I am now no longer a part of, so details will be scarce. I was initiated into the religion and became very involved until my mom got sick. After that, things got sour with the temple. My passion diminished, and I eventually abandoned the faith. 

Pretty much for the last year, I've been idle, unsure of where my spirit wants to go. I look to the moon and see a mystery. Something doesn't add up. What if the sky is just a curtain? What if earth is just a claw machine in an extraterrestrial carnival? And something larger than life exists? 


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